Racing Time

There is a photograph of my parents in my father's room that I had taken while on vacation 34 years ago. I calculated my mother in that picture to be just 5 years older than I am now.

To me at that time, my mother was old. I clearly remember her making age-related complaints at that age (hurting knees, feet, stiff, things along that line). I'm quickly - very quickly - catching up to her. It is scary. Relative to her, I was always young and therefore at an advantage. I want to stay that way.

However, considering the alternative, old age isn't so bad.

I just don't want to feel old. What should we do? Especially since three generations (including ourselves) are riding on our backs.

Maybe the best course of action is to adopt a plan and take it one step at a time. I've been doing spring cleaning for a week now, an hour a day, and making good progress, for example.

I like You - Staying Young by Drs. Oz and Roizen. Their plan supposedly is doable within two weeks. That's a bit intense to be making lifestyle changes so instead, I have a list of all their recommended changes that I am implementing one step at a time.

Avoid "all-or-nothing" thinking. Aim for progress, not perfection.

When I had my beauty consultant business, I used to tell my customers, "If you don't take time, time will take you." There's a lot of truth in that regarding all the areas of our lives, not just skin care.

I Had An Ugly Moment

I'd like to know if any of you have had one of these moments.

I am always able to grit my teeth when frustrated by my father. He doesn't mean to cause difficulty, and almost never even realizes when he does. To point out his errors is pointless; why, so he can make improvements? That's kind of like someone with two months to live worrying about the salt content in their food.

So I'm always understanding about the countless detours and misunderstandings that happen along the way. Like the time I was finished grocery shopping and had just gotten in line, when my father came to me too say he lost his shopping cart. Can't remember where he left it as he stopped to look at something. Well, the store is pretty big, and we went up and down all the aisles, me pushing the heavy cart with the thawing food, until he found it.

I just absorb all of this. Today, though, I lost my composure. I had bought a newspaper this morning that my father doesn't read; I'm looking for a piece written by a reporter who two days ago said she will be calling us to do a story on my son.

About 3 hours later I went looking for the paper to read. I had left it in the kitchen, but found it on the floor next to my father's chair in the living room, under a pair of boots. It was all in pieces, every page taken out, scattered who know where? I tried putting it back together but too much was missing. I didn't disguise my anger.

My frustration was stronger than guilt this time. I apologized later but actually, it felt good to let him know how hard it is to deal with every hour of every day.

My mother had a pressure cooker that she used to cook meat in that made it tender quickly. It had a pressure-relief valve on top. I need a pressure-relief valve.

I don't really know what that should be.

Ideas?

What's Weighing You Down?

Lately, I've been taking to some spring cleaning. I can't face the size of the entire de-cluttering that needs to be done, but I can deal with an hour a day.

It's a small accomplishment so far - an area just 3' X 3' - but with a big mental payoff. I have fired away stacks of old papers, dusty boxes, useless souveniers. I can now easily reach a window that has been shut. Imagine feeling the warm air breezing through! I came across a 33-year-old travel brochure for a vacation place my parents and I went to when I was a teenager. It was a nice few minutes of happy memories.

I never realized how detrimental just a little bit of clutter can be.

Take a casual but objective look around your house or office. What can you improve? What can be cleaned, or tidied up? What can be made more efficient just by changing a location?

Even if it seems insignificant, make the change anyway.

That Sucking Sound You Hear Is Me, Running Out The Door

Today is one of those that you wait for all winter, when spring seems as far away as your next birthday when you were five.

What do you do when spring fever hits? Let me know.

Frost covering everything when I got up this morning, but upper 80's expected the next three or four days!!

Weather as unpredictable as our parents' moods!

June

Protecting Your Time

I've talked before about time management, staying on track towards your goals, etc. But what do you do when your plans for the day are threatened by those in your world who want to trespass and trample on your schedule in spite of your best efforts?

Remember when I bought my Day-Timer a month ago? Since then I have diligently scheduled my time each day in advance, accounting for each minute of my time from 8 am to 3 pm (my son comes home from school then).

The great thing is, I stay on track for my goals, and everything I do pushes me towards their achievement. My goals are simple, such as "vacuum" and as lofty as "grow my freelance writing business." Each journey starts with one step. Many such steps in the right direction will take me there.

I love my pink Day-Timer.

All is not rosy, however. I get angry and frustrated when I am needed for something unplanned that takes more than a few minutes. I see it as evidence of my committment to being goal-oriented.

It is so very easy to happily and comfortably let days go by just taking on obligations as they come, moment by moment. But...this is huge...upon reflection, I resent the hijacking of my life by those who are supposed to care about me.

We must protect our time, goals, dreams, for some day, sadly, those we serve will be gone from us. We must have resources to carry on without them. If we have been giving, giving, giving for years on end, we could very well be be drained of health, finances, and the memory of what brings us joy.

There are no clear solutions. But it seems to me, no matter what we do, we will be angry and upset at times.

Better to do it saving our personal resources.

June

Sandwich Generation Month

Here is an organization declaring July as a Sandwich Generation month http://www.sandwichgenerationmonth.org/ . It has lots of resources that many will find helpful and just plain interesting.

I'd like to read your comments on this.

June

A Frog in Boiling Water

No, I am against torturing frogs. I seem to not be as vigilant in protecting myself, though. The title is referring to an old metaphor about how we unwittingly adapt to harmful conditions, one you've probably heard before.

In case you don't know the story, it essentially goes like this: If you put a frog into boiling water, he'll have enough sense to hop out, quickly.

However, if you put him in a pot of cold water over heat, he'll slowly cook to death, not sensing the boundary between "being a good temperature" and "this'll kill me."

How often we are in that situation. Hopefully it doesn't cause death, but one day our common sense wakes up and we wonder, hey, how did I get in this situation?

The choices I made along the way, the obligations I was compelled to accept, lack of foresight, all led me, conciously or not, to the chair I now sit in. I'll be the first to tell you, mine is not a leisurely life. Sometimes I feel like the version of Mary in Clarence's George-Baily-never-having-been-born scenario. No, I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I have to ask, what went wrong, if anything?

I have on my fridge a magnet that reminds me that the past cannot be changed, but the future can be whatever you want it to be. Another by Winston Churchill, if you're going through hell, keep going.

There is a constant stress in being in the middle of two generations. Just like the frog in the ever-warming pot of water, each small rise in stress on a daily basis goes unnoticed until one day I am doing things I never thought possible a few years ago.

I'd love to hear your story.

It's the Little Things

I don't ask for much, usually. A warm, sunny day after a long, cold winter - a fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie - a bird on my windowsill - woodpeckers nesting in the tree in front - an excellent novel - a good poem - scented soap in the drugstore.

Today, just like the past several days, is cold, cloudy, rainy, a turn-up-the-heat kind of day. If I had a fireplace, it would be going (unless of course by now I'd be tired of that too).

It's things like this that keep me going.

What are the little daily gifts you find along the way?

Sleep

Another article in Glamour magazine tested the scientific proof behind new findings that an adequate amount of sleep (7 1/2 - 8 hours for most people) cut cravings for unhealthy foods and helped weight loss.

A group of women volunteered to make no changes to their lifestyle other than getting 8 hours of sleep every night.

They all lost weight and inches, ranging from 6 to 15 pounds. The biggest challenge was keeping the committment to going to bed earlier than they were used to.

I thought this article was well-done because it followed real people putting it to the test, not simply a self-improvement article.

Collateral benefits reported by the women were increased energy, decreased cravings for junk food, increased desire for healthy foods, and a new connection to their husbands for those women who habitually went to bed later than their husbands.

I'm telling you this because with so many high-priority demands on your time day in and day out, we must create a boundary around our sleep time. With evidence such as this, the benefits are enormous to our physical and mental health.

It was all in the March issue of Glamour.

Time Management II

Yesterday I read in Glamour Magazine an article featuring 100-word biographies, including some examples. That got me thinking about my blog entries - while I love to write and sometimes don't know when to stop, I need to manage the amount of time spent on my posts. That, dear reader, is the reason I am not posting every day. It takes a large chunk of time to formulate my thoughts and then write. Like, an hour.

What would happen if I limit my blog to 100 words?

I would have to be concise and to the point, a good thing.

That was my 100 words!

Junie

Still Around

I'm sure you've noticed that I've been absent from here for a week. There were some pressing priorities.

There were two deaths in two days, one in my family - my father's aunt - the other a close friend the next day. My mind has been wandering and able to concentrate on only the most urgent tasks.

I knew my father's aunt only from a distance, as she lived overseas. My friend, though, was a rock of stability, strength, and humor over the years. I had known him for 33 or 34 years. In my younger years he was a father figure, but became a fellow adult later. He was the sort of person who came with a guarantee of a lifting up whenever we were together. And I'm not the only one. It's just the way he was.

Yesterday, Palm Sunday, with its review of Jesus' last week of life, was a reminder of the fickleness of life. Praise and rejoicing at the beginning of the week, betrayal, sorrow, confusion, the loss of a friend at the end of the week. Hearing the Passion read on Palm Sunday always makes me teary, but I felt even more so yesterday, feeling the parallel between the disciples losing their stability and strength and me losing mine.

My friend was my champion, a believer in me, my positive energy. Now, as the disciples did, I need to take what he taught me and carry it into the world.

Junie