Ice Packs

I'm sitting at my desk. And sitting...and sitting.

I have a back problem that I have just learned will be relieved by ice compresses several times a day. The only way to keep the compress against my back is by sitting in my office chair for the recommended 20 minutes.

Something has gone wrong along the way. Impatience and a running list of what I should be doing, or will do once the 20 minutes are up, are racing through my head.

Why can't I simply relax and honor the short rest and healing?

Because arrogance makes me think I have all the answers, know all the solutions, am in control.

If it is to be, it is up to me.

For thirty years I lived by that advice, when I thought I had heavy obligations and responsibilities. In retrospect, life was a warm breeze on a sunny day then. Both of my parents were healthy, mentally sharp, and self-sufficient. My son hadn't come along yet. Yes, I was more or less in control of my life then.

Over the intervening years, gradual changes occured. Like the formation of the Grand Canyon, the changes can't be seen without considering the overall picture. My parents aged, my Mom passed away, my son was born and is maturing. Generally though, circumstances were in my control.

Now, following my Dad's decline, in order to stay one step ahead in an attempt to avert trouble, I need to send myself out scouting ahead to all the potential scenarios. It's no longer enough to dwell in the present. My thoughts are now programmed to think in the future too.

So...that's what went wrong along the way. In finding everyone else's life, I lost my own. In pain - and in joy - claim your life, be good to yourself.

Apply those ice packs.